Marriage: To Save or Not to Save

Marriage Covenant - A Wedding Vow, Promise

When we enter into marriage, we make promises

• to God, who trusted use with His loved ones,
• to the one we are marrying, to remain faithful
• to our families, to stay the course and never divorce without dire reason
• and to society, to uphold the most foundational covenant necessary to the honor and survival of the nation

and those promises are for life. If we're honest, we keep those promises. Divorce, adultery, abuse should never be an option. If we break the vows, we're not honest; we're liars and hypocrites and we need to come clean. That may seem harsh, but to love people sincerely, we must think of marriage in these terms.
 

A divorce cannot turn back time and make the vows unsaid. And we cannot expect God to lie on Judgment Day and say we're faithful to our promises if we're not.

The Spiritual Side of Faithfulness

Suppose I want to pray for my marriage and get answers. The Bible says if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear my prayer. If I am unfaithful to God, my actions speak loudly that unfaithfulness and sin are OK with me. If that is so, what right do I have to ask for God's help making my wife or children faithful to me? Am I more worthy of faithfulness than God?

The Mercenary Christian

OK. I'll be faithful to God as long as He answers my prayers and saves my marriage. Right? And if my marriage falls apart anyway, God can forget it. Deal?
Whoa, hold on. True love, faithfulness, and honestly don't work that way. God isn't only a means to an end. I cannot love God or anyone if I regard them as nothing but an an apparatus to obtain pleasure, comfort, or relief from personal pain. Love, faithfulness, and honesty are character traits which are unconditional and are only seen clearly under the fire of a necessary personal sacrifice in the presence of trials, tribulations, or temptations. It is in opposing those things that true character and trustworthiness are revealed.
Can't I make a deal with God? A covenant? No. But, God can. The terms of a covenant have to be honorable, fair, and righteous, and only God can do that perfectly.
God makes promises and gives us the conditions of those promises all throughout the Bible. But, do we read it? If we do, do we read it honestly to understand it and apply it to our lives? Or do we try to claim promises that were not meant for us in hopes God will feel obligated to give us what we want? Are we praying, "Not my will but Thine" or "Not Thy will but mine"?
Sometimes the promises and covenant are there in the Bible before us but we refuse to listen to God and hear what promises He has for us. We would rather make our own "Promises from God" and coerce Him to comply. But, it won't work. We have to take the promises God offers us and meet the conditions, or not.

Divorce Attorneys and Saving Marriages

The law of God is righteous. American family law is corrupt. There are good and bad attorneys, but in general, they prostitute justice and amass wealth either serving the unfaithful or extorting from the faithful. They get rich destroying the families of small children for wealth. They have every financial incentive to destroy a marriage rather than save one. And often, though they pretend to be on your side, they're in it for the money.
Attorneys are quick to shut off communication between spouses. They collect ammunition to intensify the heat. When injustice reigns, repeat business abounds. And the Federal government supplies matching grants to child support collection agencies based on how much they collect. While their attorneys pretend to advocate for the children, they often cast the children to the unfaithful to steal wealth from the faithful. Many of them are a reprehensible lot who belong in prison. It is unfair that the good ones are usually the ones who work pro-bono sacrificially and suffer greatly for the love of others.

Divorce and Greatest Good of Children

While the courts pretend the greatest good of the children is the central focus, the courts work to destroy the children's source of security in the loving and faithful union of both parents in a loving and faithful marriage covenant. Instead, the courts profit by extorting the life savings from the faithful and the family, tearing the parents apart into separate homes and forcing them to spend what little money they have left on the additional expense of two dwellings. Children are taken from loving, faithful, abandoned parents and forced to live in a home of adultery under a reprehensible example, and in return for the loss of a loving parent, they often receive a narcissistic step parent who was once willing to steal a spouse from a faithful person and a parent from a child.

Family Court Mediation and Marriage Saving

Family court judges may require mediators with squalid and imbalanced ethics so they can see themselves morally obligated to accelerate the marriage toward destruction and thwart off any opportunities to examine whether the marriage can be saved with help.
Several years ago, one family court mediator felt convicted that she was participating in destroying marriages when in fact she wanted to help save marriages. So, she did a little extra due diligence to see if marriages could be saved and began giving couples tips where they could find help. Divorce rates dropped as marriages were saved, and one day she went to her office to find her door locked. The judge had discontinued services and went outside the county to a different firm instead. She wrote about this in her book, "Stolen Vows".

Averting Family Court Treachery

If you want to save your marriage, do not expect the court to help. Voice your objections to the divorce. If your spouse is forcing you through a divorce, try to find a way to get an attorney who will not prosper by losing your case for you. Don't trust them based on their promises or their assurances or their winsome character. Be honest to yourself. If they have not earned your trust, then you have no reason to trust them. If you ask for references from someone else, make sure they were in a similar situation as yours and don't accept a reference from someone who sought to end his or her marriage. Require references from clients who successfully saved their marriages. And if the attorney says this is impossible, go to a different attorney.
If this seems to take too long, don't get frustrated. Every time you turn down an attorney for this reason, you give that attorney a message, and that is that any attorney can destroy a marriage for profit. Rare and precious are the attorneys who can actually save a marriage. And this is what you expect to find. Require it. Demand it. Refuse to stand down. Question and drill the attorney why they claim not to be able to do this. If they cite unilateral no fault divorce laws, then ask them what they are doing to turn these around? Ask them how they could possibly think it is Constitutional. It isn't. Catch them in a lie. Make them very uncomfortable. But, do it on their dime. Not yours. Consider it an job interview. If they expect to be paid big money, they should expect to earn it.

Social or Psychological Marriage Saving

The best time to save a marriage is before it starts. The e-books on the upper right part of this website include one called "1,000 Questions for Couples".
Eileen and I went through many of these questions before we got married. The questions were fun and helped us to know better what to expect in our marriage. I feel it helped us avoid unpleasant surprises and made for a better marriage.

E-books for Marriages in Crisis

I have to admit I have not read the other two e-books. So, then why would I be selling them here? First, what the authors say in their advertisements shows to me they not only have a lot of training and experience, but they also have a strong understanding of the issues and solid values and wisdom. One e-book specializes on dealing with affairs. The other specializes on improving, strengthening, and saving marriages in trouble. And, both e-books have been highly recommended by others. All in all, these three books have been the best sellers, and that helps cover a little bit of the costs of running these sites. I still have to pay a lot of it out of pocket, but at least, the commissions help a little.

Best Wishes and Prayers for Your Marriage

Actually, I get the least commission from the 1,000 Questions e-book, but it is the one I feel happiest selling, not so much because it's better, but because it can help prevent problems before they happen. I feel a bit of pain when other sales come in knowing that someone is probably in great pain at the time of sale, and I cannot help but pray for them, but don't buy something to get me to pray. Do it if you feel it will help your marriage, and I'll pray for you regardless. I don't have to be paid to pray :-)
God bless you and your family, and best wishes!!!
Daniel J. Dick